I want to have your abortion
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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