He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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