You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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