your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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