i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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