so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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