i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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