Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
