Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
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As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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