if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
