How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
