**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
