Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
