her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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