it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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