This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
