I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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