I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
