Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
