put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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