Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
