You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
