so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
