Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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