I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
