Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize