Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
