You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
