i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
