At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
