You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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