im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
