So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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