sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
