Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
