She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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