there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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