On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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