he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
