it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
