Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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