He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
