I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
