how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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