the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
