Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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