Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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