My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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