Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just threw up on my dentist
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Randomize
