eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Drake has all the answers
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
