I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
