I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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