i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
