You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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