funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
