'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
