so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I want her autograph on my taint
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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