i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
