One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry my hands just texted you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
