I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
