your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
