ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
