if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
4 words: hood of his car
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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